I promised myself that I would NOT mention that my blogging ritual has become a non-ritual……so I’m not.  I write when I can and that is all I have to say about that………

As I reflect back on my prior year of life, I can see a pattern………..frustration!  I HATE the feeling of frustration!  It is so……….well, frustrating!

I am determined to get to the source of this dreaded emotion and attempt to conquer it and exile it from my life.

I have realized that most of the frustration in my life comes from expectations that are not met.  Ironically these expectations are primarily for others and not myself.  I have all these goals and accomplishments that I want to see from those around me.  I want more spiritual leadership in my life, I expect to see thoughtfulness and sacrifice of selfishness from those around me, I have hopes for others to choose right over wrong and to abandon their ambitions to do what God has for them, I look to my friends to be there for me and support me when I need a shoulder. The list of expectations is endless.

The sad thing is, very few of these expectations are actually within my control or have anything to do with me in any way.  I want others to be what I expect them to be, but am I who I should expect to be?!?  I have read so many quotes about this.  One of my favorites is, “You cannot change other people, only your reaction to them.”  I posted one on my fb page earlier, “He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief which he purposed to remove.” 

I am currently reading the book by John Maxwell, “Winning With People”.  The first principle he discussed is the “Mirror Principle”.  In the chapter he quotes, “In most situations, I am the problem.  My mentalities, my pictures, my expectations, form the biggest obstacles to my success.” 

I want spiritual leadership – I need to be a spiritual leader,  I want thoughtfulness and self sacrifice from others – I need to be thoughtful, I expect others to make good choices – I need to make good choices, I expect my friends to be there when I need them – I need to be the support my friends need.  Basically, what I want from others, I need to be that and more myself.  I have a sneaking feeling that when I decide to become myself what I want others to be, I will be a lot more tolerant and a lot less frustrated when trying to get what I want.

So, summary for the New Year………Less about others and More about me!

Thanks for stopping by

Each week I see hundreds of little faces come past me.  Infants being carried by their moms, preschoolers running ahead of their parents, teenagers trying to avoid their parents( ), each one has a different story, a unique background.  One thing they all DO have in common is an unwritten future.

I can’t help but be intrigued and a little challenged at this thought.  What will they become, what does their future hold?  Did I just greet the next world leader, did I just change the diaper of the one who will discover a vaccine for all fatal illnesses, did I just pat the head of an evangelist who will take the story of Jesus to the masses?  Or will one of these precious little ones grow up to know poverty that we can’t even comprehend with cold nights on the street, thinking no one  loves them or cares about them?  Is one of these that I just passed the last soul to be saved before Jesus comes to take us home?

I know, sobering thoughts for so early in the morning.  But the key is, these futures have not been written.   May we take a minute to look into someone and see their potential, their hurts, their longings.  We have a responsibility to these who still have so much of life to live.  We want to determine what the future holds; it lies with the little ones who will be the future.  May we be the change we want to see in the world, may we start now determining the future by leading and loving the ones who are the future.

“One hundred years from now, it won’t matter what our bank account was, how big our house was, or what kind of car we drove; but the world may be different because we were important in the life of a child.”

Thanks for stopping by

But then there are those times when God totally amuses me.  Times when things occur and I just have to say “I hear ya God”.  Kind of like mine and God’s own little “inside joke”.

I recently had one of those moments……….About a month or so ago, I received an email from my church stating that the current preschool directors were stepping down and if I had any interest in the position, please contact the church office.  To be quite honest, I’m not really 100% sure what all the email said, due to the fact that I briefly scanned it, hit delete, and said to myself, “Good luck trying to find somebody to take that job.”

Can you tell where this is headed……….

About a week later, I received another email, this one a bit more specific, addressed directly to me.  Again, I hit delete, without much hesitation.  A few days later, I received a phone call asking if I had gotten the email and if I thought I might be interested in the position.  Again, I quickly hit delete……(no I didn’t, remember this is a phone call…just checking to see if you’re paying attention), I quickly said, “I don’t think so” and ended the call.  Yes, occasionally I REALLY am that clueless as to what God is saying and He has to, metaphorically of course, slap me upside the head.

As I placed the phone back on the base, I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe.  Like a 1000lb. weight had been dropped on my heart.  I grabbed the phone and dialed the church office and said that I would at least like to meet with the Pastor and get some additional info about the position.

Well, long story short………I am now the Director of Preschool Ministries at my church.

I recently told someone that I have come to the realization that one distinct way I can tell if God is leading me in a particular direction is, if it is in an area that I would NEVER have even given a second thought about, then that is usually what God wants for me.  He likes to challenge me that way, or maybe that He likes showing me how naive I am to limit myself to only certain things that are totally in my comfort zone and on my radar of where I see myself.

Yes, He has done it again, and all I have to say is, “Good one, God.”

Thanks for stopping by

Do I matter?

Whose world is a little brighter because it intersected with mine?  Whose lips curve upward at the mention of my name?  Whose heart is lifted with the thought of me?  Who thinks I “hung the moon”?

We are all haunted by these thoughts from time to time.  We tend to think these self-indulgent insecurities only exist in teens, but we all know that is not entirely accurate.  We all want to matter.  We all struggle with significance, with wanting to fit in with…….mattering.

Let’s face reality…..we all want to matter;  however tough-skinned, independent, self-assured we are….we all want to matter.

For instance…….. rubber meets road…………. I’m writing this blog………Sure, part of it is that I suffer from too many thoughts.  I must get them out of my head in order to function, so I write them.  Somehow that gives me a bit of relief;  move them from head to paper, then have some peace.  But, truth is, why not just put them in a notebook? Why “publish” them?  Because I want to matter.   I want someone to read my “work” and validate me.

We all need it.  Adults, teens, children.  We all need to matter, to fit in, to be accepted.

Before you jump on a “spiritual” high horse and pass judgment saying, “I thought this girl was a Christian.  Doesn’t she know our importance lies with God?  He gave His only Son for us.  That is all the ‘matter’ we need.”  I AM God’s child and assuredly realize that in Him DOES lie my utter importance.  Shouldn’t that be enough?  Of course, it should.  Is it always enough?  Of course it isn’t.

I am currently reading Max Lucado’s “Fearless”.  In it, he writes this little story/poem:

Perhaps you don’t know, then, maybe you do,about Stiltsville, the village, (so strange but so true).

Where people like we, some tiny, some tall, with jobs and kids and clocks on the wall

Keep an eye on the time, for each evening at six, they meet in the square for the purpose of sticks.

Tall stilts upon which Stiltsvillians can strut and be lifted above those down in the rut.

The less and the least, the Tribe of Too Smalls, the not cools and have-nots who want to be tall

But can’t, because in the giving of sticks, their name was not called, they didn’t get picked.

Yet still they come when villagers gather; they press to the front to see if they matter.

To the clique of the cool, the court of the hight clout, that decides who is special and declares with a shout.

You’re class, you’re pretty, you’re clever or funny, and bequeath a prize not of medals or money.

Not a freshly baked pie or a house someone built, but the oddest of gifts, a gift of some stilts.

Moving up is their mission, going higher their aim. Elevate your position is the name of their game.

The higher-ups of Stiltsville (you know if you’ve been there), make the biggest to-do of the sweetness of thin air.

They relish the chance on their high apparatus, to strut on their stilts the ultimate status.

For isn’t life best when viewed from the top?  Unless you stumble and suddenly are not.

So sure of your footing you tilt and then sway.  “Look out below” and you fall straightaway.

Into the Too Smalls hoi polloi of the earth, you land on your pride, oh boy how it hurts.

When the chic police in the jilt of all jilts, don’t offer to help but instead take your stilts.

“Who made you king?” you start to complain, but then notice the hour and forget your refrain.

It’s almost six, no time for chatter.  It’s back to the crowd to see if you matter.

Today, tell someone “they matter”……that they matter TO YOU!

Thanks for stopping by

Lately I have had moments where frustration and annoyance have over taken my usual peaceful and easy-going spirit.  I woke up this morning and had the idea of blogging all my frustrations and ranting about all the situations/people in my life that induce these feelings.  As I was in the shower, contemplating all the thoughts I would expel onto my post, it was as if an audible epiphany hit me.  “How shallow would I be and how stagnant would my life be if everyone in it constantly built me up and raised my spirits?”

Now don’t get me wrong, my life is filled with easy to love people.  You know, people who make me feel good about myself and have the ability to bring out the best in me.  I have friends who I know I can trust with my deepest darkest secrets and who I know would always be on my side, no questions asked.  But, as with everyone, I also have people in my life who seem to deflate me.   

I was struck with the notion that it is because of those people that I feel the urge to turn to God and asked for His wisdom and to be filled with His understanding and love.  It is easy to love the loveable, but the real character comes into play when we love the unloveable or the hard to love.  And often, the real benefit comes when we can’t find the love so we allow God’s love to flow through us onto the other person.   I am trying to realize that often times, those people can be used as the “sand paper” in my life,  scraping off that outer layer of hardness and selfishness and impatience. 

So for all you “easy to love” people in my life, thank you for being who you are and for making my life so joyful.  But to those “not so easy to love”, may I learn from you what I need to learn and may I always have this thought prevalent in my brain,  “Who am I that person to?”

Thanks for stopping by

Despite all the positives of grown children, there is a huge part of me that longs for “missing teeth” smiles, the patter of small feet running through the house, the excitement in their eyes when you pull out their favorite snack.  It is because of these longings that I have chosen my closest friends very carefully……..the main critieria……parents of small children!  Now these adults are, in themselves, wonderful loving people and I feel blessed to have all them in my life.  But let’s face it, their main appeal is their kids!  (don’t tell them that )

I had the privilege recently of spending some time with some of these kids in one of those mega toy stores.  Your first thought might be; kids in a toy store, that sounds more like a nightmare than a time of blissful reflection.  Searching the aisles for just a glimpse of  a favorite character on a box or pulling everything off the shelves that we can find that has any type of button to mash or a card that says “try me”, or walking with older children and having them explain different battle scenes or characters and their roles in certain games, or looking at princess outfits and doll clothes………. it was definitely one of the “funnest” things I have done in a while.  The joy and sheer excitement in a child’s eyes over such a simple pleasure is some of life’s greatest moments.

I started thinking about the verse that says, “ Children are a gift of the Lord..”  What is it that God wants to give us from these small ones?  We often think about what we are supposed to teach them, but in reality, what are they supposed to teach us?  Could it just be finding joy in simple things.  What is it about children that makes them so delightful?  Could it be that they never hold a grudge or have ulterior motives, they rarely look for the bad in others but instead love unconditionally……..?  Yes, children have much to learn, but more than that, they have MUCH to teach.  May we all set aside some time to just simply enjoy the smiles from a child, to just listen to them and see what they have to say, and most importantly allow the simple joys in life to flood our souls and make us aware that God’s greatest gift to the world……a child.

Thanks for stopping by

(hopefully Mr. Shakespeare won’t mind me “borrowing” )

I know, blogs are supposed to be writings about the author’s daily activities and accomplishments.  As I have mentioned before, I have such a hard time with that.  I always want to find the “You see, Timmy” in each posting.  I find myself not wanting to write about mundane happenings unless I can somehow tie it all up in the end with some thought-provoking moral.  So when months go by and you’ve heard nothing from me in the blogging world, just rest assured that it is not because I have nothing to say……it is because I have nothing meaningful to say, or nothing that I think would be of benefit to you.  You know, basically everything you have read so far in this post……..

I will say that my life has quickly gotten extremely busy. Among other jobs,  I have taken on a new position as taxi driver.  My children live a very active social/working/church life and I am pretty much their sole means of transportation.  I will say that we have some very good conversations in the car to and from all their activities.  I am very thankful that we have a relationship where we enjoy each other’s company and actually have a lot of things to talk about.  With the realization that most teenagers now days have very little to say to their parents, I remain extremely blessed to have a healthy verbal relationship with all three of mine.

Completing my last year to homeschool multiple children remains at the fore front of my daily chores as well.  My daughter’s senior year holds many challenges, but we are embracing them and looking forward to what God has planned for her life.  College applications, tests, many activities, jobs, photo shoots, and other important decisions that have to be made are amongst our pressing engagements/tasks.  I am also trying to get my youngest daughter ready to start highschool next year and being available for my oldest daughter who is working and deciding the course of her life as well.   Life is definitely never boring.

Well, by now I am sure that I have totally bored you and that there is nothing written here that will stay with you once you click that big  “X“.

……..I do have a quote that I heard on one of my favorite Christmas movies over the weekend……

“I am thankful for friends who are like family and family who are friends.”

Thanks for stopping by

I was sitting in a revival service in Mableton, Georgia.  When the sermon was over and the invitation began, I felt as though my heart would explode if my feet did not move.  I grabbed my cousin, who was sitting next to me (love you Shash) and pulled her to the altar with me.  There I gave my heart and life to Jesus. (tears gather in my eyes as I type that sentence).  “Giving your heart and life” to another person;  WOW! that is liberating! 

I remember the feelings that engulfed me afterward so vividly, even now.  After the service, everyone was just standing in the parking lot talking about where we might go get a bite to eat or something.  I remember thinking, “How can you be talking about such silly things?  Do you not realize what just happened to me?!?”

Even as a child at the age of 7, I knew that my life had been radically changed.  I have gone through some extremely rough valleys in my Christian walk and have failed more than succeeded, but MY God has been faithful and I owe everything I am and ever will be to HIS miraculous metamorphosis of this wicked prone to fail flesh.

He is the love of my life and I truly want nothing more from my time here than to worship Him, serve Him and make an impact on others for Him.

Thank you Father for rescuing this old sinner at such an early age and for continuing to rescue her each and every day!

Thanks for stopping by

I have been using facebook for quite sometime now and I enjoy the technology that enables me and my family to keep up with friends and family whether far or near.  But sometimes I have been taken back by the lack of restraint in some of the posts.  I read some things and it is obvious that there may be more behind the words than is expressed.  Almost like a hidden meaning.  Some may even be a little offensive. 

I guess there may be a “new found” courage that comes along with knowing you can simply type a few lines and send it out there into the web-world and not really have to give account for what has been expressed.  I think we would all benefit from remembering that words are powerful both written and spoken and we are all responsible for those words and their outcome.  May we all write/speak words that bring about positive results;  words that encourage and uplift.  Words can mend or break, build up or tear down, leave the reader with a smile or a frown.

Let’s choose mending, building and smiling!!

Thanks for stopping by

I’m sure my daughter and her boyfriend have been saddened, but I’m not really talking about their feelings here, I am talking about MINE ! 

I think I must love deeper than the average person, because this has been a little hard for me to deal with.  I know that I tend to be an “all or nothing” kind of person.  Meaning, that I do not have the capacity to do things less that 100%.  I am either in all the way or I prefer to not to get involved at all.  So, when someone comes into our lives, I immediately accept them as part of my family and love them accordingly.  Well, when suddenly this person is not part of that inner circle…..well, I am a bit heart broken. 

I would like to learn from this experience and not allow myself to get emotionally connected to people that come into our lives, but I just don’t think I am capable of that.  I am sure that God definitely chose the wrong person to be the mother of 3 daughters.  I know this old heart is not going to be able to withstand the many heartbreaks that inevitably lie ahead.

Thanks for stopping by