Who threw a monkey wrench into my well planned life?

Posted: June 24, 2008 in musings
Tags: ,

I have not been able to write in a few days.  I’m not really sure why, but my brain has just seemed unable to focus. 

I kinda feel like I was on this trip and I had the GPS all set to my destination.  I knew where I was headed and what the journey would be like, and then BAM!  A detour happened and everything went haywire.  You know when your GPS says “recalculating”.  Well, that is what seems to be happening to me.

In case you misssed my post a few days ago, I like to plan.  I like to have things all laid out and know exactly where I am “headed”.  Well, over the past few days, my life seems to have gone off on it’s own little excursion.  We have had some changes in my husband’s current employment situation and we still aren’t quite sure how they are going to play out. 

I think of myself as being laid back, a kinda “roll with the punches” kind of girl, but for some reason, I have had a hard time with that lately.  Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis, do women have those 😉 ?!?  Anyway, I guess I should not even be concerned until we figure out what is really going to happen, but either way, there will be yet another big change coming and I think I am just not sure if I am ready for that or not.  I think you reach a point where you just need to settle down and just “be”. 

We have been living in a transitional state for a few years, and I think I just want some…. I’m not really sure if “peace” is the right word or not.  We do live a pretty peaceful life, but I mean peace in the sense that everything is mapped out and I know exactly what lies ahead and it is all okay with me.  Is that possible?!?  Of course it’s not, I know that.  Life can change in the blink of an eye and we just have to find our “Peace” from knowing Who is in control.

“Control”, wow, that’s a loaded word isn’t it.  I want it, but unfortunately, even when I think I have it, I usually find out that I really don’t.  I know there should be some comfort in knowing that He who does have control, knows it all and it far better capable of taking care of situations that arise than I am.  But my problem with Him being in control, is that He tends to give us what we “need” not what we “want”.  That doesn’t always sit well with me.  Do you know what I mean?!? 😛

I was listening to a song yesterday and the words really just jumped out at me.  Part of them were, “I’d rather fight you for something I don’t really want, than to take what you give that I need.”  Ouch!  Are we really that stubborn?!?  Oh well, sorry to just dump all this on you so early in the morning.  I think I just needed to get it off my chest and you happened to be the ones that get stuck reading it.  Thanks for being there 😎 .

I rarely just sit down and write a post and then immediately post it, and now as I read back over this one, I see why.  This seems so scattered, but I guess that is a bit indicative of my life lately, so bear with me, and enjoy the video from the Big Daddy Weave song, “Hold Me Jesus”.


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