motivation check

Posted: April 6, 2009 in it's all about me
Tags: ,

This post is a bit on the personal side, and quite frankly, I am surprised that I feel the freedom to be so “raw” about my sin.  But here it goes anyway….

Recently I was asked to do something that I considered a great honor.  Of course, my first thought was extreme fear, but then I moved onto, “Well, they must think a lot of me to offer me this.”  Then I moved onto, “Maybe I am special and people have seen what great abilities I have.”  Then came the kicker, “If I do this, it would be way for me to make a name for myself and people would know who I am and what I am capable of.”

A few days later, actually, I think it was more like a few moments later, I felt like someone slapped me in the face;  it was really more like stabbed me in the heart.  I felt so ashamed that I had allowed this UGLINESS to overtake my spirit.  I quickly decided that I was in no way going to do what had been offered and to the contrary, I needed to be taken down quite a few notches.  It really broke my heart to look into that mirror that had been place before my soul. 

I started wondering how many times in the past I had taken on a responsibility and the motivation behind it was self-recognition or self- promotion.  I HATE that!   Am I really one of those people who likes to build themselves up?  I thought not, but my actions have proved otherwise. 

I have begged forgiveness from God and I hope to have the guts and the brokenness to withstand satan’s wiles the next time he tries to destroy what could have been a really good thing, with the sin of pride.  I just hate him, don’t you!?!

(My spell check wants me to capitalize satan’s name, but I refuse 😦 )

Thanks for stopping by 😎

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Comments
  1. Nancy says:

    I totally appreciate your humility and honesty. I think most of us have struggled with having our flesh rise up when our ego gets stroked by cool opportunities.

    But I also know that my flesh can also create a fear of not meeting up to people’s expectations or being “unworthy” of such an opportunity.

    I think it’s very wise for you to check your motive before accepting opportunities. satan definitely tries to distract us from God’s will with lots of “good” opportunities.

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